Friday, July 31, 2009

An unpleasant post.

Our legal system, we would all like to believe, is based on the precept of "Innocent until proven guilty". Bad guy gets arrested, goes to court, found guilty, goes to gaol. Victim picks up pieces, and moves on (hopefully). Sadly, that isn't the way it works.

My husband was charged with molesting his daughters (from his first marriage) - this allegedly happened 10-15 years ago. It took 6 years of turning up to Court every month, to be told 'Come back next month', chasing statements and documents, for someone to look at all of the evidence, and throw it out. Mis-matched statements, outright lies (even under Oath), missing or 'destroyed' records, it kept going. A juggernaut of deceit and destruction.

Child sexual abuse is a heinous thing, and anyone guilty of it should be - treated accordingly. We won't go down that road today.

But what about the wrongly accused? My husband did no wrong, but his name was repeatedly published in the local paper, along with a graphic description of his alleged crime. We, his family, who also did nothing wrong, are forever ready to fend off those who believe that because it was in the paper, it must be true, and that we are guilty by association.

If he had been guilty, the victims of his crime would have been offered counselling, and every form of support available. If he had been guilty, I would agree that, and much more, would be appropriate.

He isn't and neither are we. And yet, when it was all over, we got - nothing. Not even a "Sorry, we made a mistake." We have been left to find our own way out of the emotional mess that 6 years of fear and loss have caused. It is a long, dark, scary road. None of us will never be the same again, and the repercussions will sound through our lives for many years to come. Probably the rest of our lives.

We live in the same small town as we have for the past 30 years, where our children grew up. Every day we walk out the door, we face the spectres of his accusers, and those who accompanied them down the road to our devastation.

Every day, I make the commitment that I will keep my chin up, no matter what. And every night, I weep for the innocence that was ripped away from my younger children, and the victims of the monsters who walk around free.

Thursday, July 30, 2009


And while he is certainly looking frailer, and older, he is still fiesty and crotchety as ever. And desperately bored and lonely. I am going to visit regularly when we get home, and take him some pictures of the kids.

The home itself seems ok, it is a very new set-up, so still in the teething stage of things, but he says it's not too bad, as those places go.

The Mister is worrying about what the consequences of having/not having the hip replacement are. He is concerned that I will lose out on work/have issues with Uni. I told work from the get-go, that he had a degenerative bone disorder (I wasn't thinking of OA, rather the itis that starts with spo....) and that if he got to the point where he needed me at home, I was walking away. They won't be happy, but I was upfront from the word go.

We have agreed that we will assess the options once we get back from our holiday. The pain has been super-intense the past 2 days, where they had him manipulate it to a painful point so they could get proper xrays of it.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

So much..........

............ for a bright pink laptop detering the boys. Mr14 loves both the computer itself, and the colour. He is currently putting it through it's paces with a game of chess, set to the tunes of Madina Lake. *bless*

It turns out that Uncle Tom is not as bad as we were led to believe, which is a huge relief. I am not quite so terrified now.

And so, in the Universe' way of balancing good with utter crap, The Mister shared the rest of his bad mood news - not only does he need a hip replacement, the degradation is due to Osteoarthritis. He is depressed and terrified. Can't blame him.

The feral neighbour is still being feral, Mr14 is not coping well with that at all. So not fair to him.

Mr20 is still sick, this is the third week of this. He missed the Uni Entrance Exams today, but can re-sit later in the year if he has a Medical Certificate. No worries there. He has a lot of stuff to catch up on, but with some intense tutoring he should be OK.

The Little Family are doing well. Mouse is teething, poor little bugger. All he wants to do is snuggle, and of course, Nan is happy to oblige.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Mister.............

............ needs a hip replacement. Be fair!! Arthritis has eaten away half of the ball joint of his right hip. The surgeon wants to do it ASAP.

He is very lucky (The Mister, not the surgeon) that he told me this over the phone, because immediately after that happy news, I said I had moved a chunk of my tax return to his account (he has to go into the bank to get it out, we use it for savings) and he said "Why didn't you move it all?"

How about, because it's not the 1950's and I worked freaking hard for that money?! Fark! He is really cruising to get his head ripped off if he doesn't pull it in and damn soon.

ETA: he came home and explained himself - he has a plan, and it's a good one. Makes a lot of sense, and will save us $$$. And, he took me laptop shopping, and is setting it up as I blog.

Monday, July 27, 2009

This time next week.........

........ I will be on the other side of the globe, in Summer. Relaxing after 20-30 hours in planes and airports, and missing my kids.

I have about a million things to do (ok, not really), and a couple of *minor* decisions to make (take Parlux/leave Parlux at home). So yeah.

But we are almost ready to go, The Mister has to pack. I have to do the last bits of mine (the Parlux), my reading material for the flight. I have to (well, I don't have to, but am going to) pick up a few essentials for the household. Oh, and tomorrow we have to order a mobile phone to be delivered to the place we will be staying at, cheaper than Telstra International Roaming.

The 1 thing I have to do - which I kind of don't want to, is go see my Uncle Tom. He is in a nursing home, after being in a 'retirement village' for the past 18 months, which I had no idea how to get to. He was in hospital for 10 days before any of us knew, and we only found out because one of his nurses knew Mum, and rang to say "Did you know?"

He has had a toe removed. As a result of gangrene. So will likely not be here when we get back, and even if he is, his mind will be gone. I don't want to go see him, I want to remember him how he was, and it will kill The Mister, his Dad went the same way. But I have to, some part of me is insisting. I'm blubbing now, crap!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Well, the lawyer.............

............ is optimistic. And supportive. And expensive! But we can pay it in bits, which is a bonus, no way could we pay $200 an hour up front.

Everyone here is sick, except for myself, Mouse and Miss23. Yet. Mouse has a tad of a cold, thanks to a tooth. Miss is ok, and me, well I have so many antiobiotics running through my system, there is now way I should get sick. In theory anyway.

Today Mouse and I went into town, it was a beautiful day. We windowshopped, and had a coffee. It was great. He knows his Nan - the minute I went in to say Good Morning, he started smiling and wiggling on his mum's knee. So I 'stole' him. He snoozed into town, woke up for coffee, and a spot of shopping, then we ran all the way home.

We did make a purchase, we bought a Jeans for Genes badge/pin thing. And a Hissyfit clear tinted moisturiser (yes, that IS an oxymoron) because the U/C isn't rich enough, even with Ole offering a boost. And I only have the travel-sized U/C, which is packed, so I needed a daily moisturiser. No Buy is holding. Except for the bracelet and pin I bought for my friend L for Christmas (50% off) and the ring I got for Miss23's birthday ($40 - titanium). I plan on getting Miss18 a pendant from the same place for Christmas. All these things were/are on sale, so the saving in the end is quite good.

Oh, and Adore posted an article of mine, this one about my planned trip to the Mecca of all skincare/beauty junkies - Sephora!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Well, it just keeps getting better!

Today was spent doing battle with The Law. I think I made headway. I am not sure. What I do know is that The Law does not know how to deal with a woman who doesn't swear, yell, cry, or try to throw her weight around by standing/slamming around the room while doing any of the former. I remained seated, I didn't yell or cry, and I didn't swear. I stated what I felt clearly, and passionately. The Law was at a bit of a loss. Mr14 was astonished, and rather impressed. The Mister was disbelieving, as was Mr20. I tend to be a wee bit fiesty when upset. What no-one realised is that I am beyond upset, I am well and truly mad. Not a good place to have me........

Tomorrow we go to The Lawyer - not The Awesome Lawyer, there's a conflict of interest issue, but recommended by The Awesome Lawyer, so I am hopeful.

And you know what really pisses me off about today? I had 3 items on watch on eBay - a top (well, a short dress I would wear as a top) and 2 actual dresses. Grand total they sold for was less than $10, and postage would have made it less than $20. And I missed it!!!! Gaaah! Now I have to spend hourrrrrrrrrrs trawling through the rubbish to find good stuff again. I might start now.............

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I got my chocolate.......

.... ate half and binned the rest. It was awful! He got me Cadbury from the servo, which was lovley, he knew Mum needed chocolate ASAP. But Cadbury themselves munted it - they now add in vegetable oil, and it's ruined the chocolate.

It tastes dodgy. Like el cheapo imported chocolate from the $2 shop. That sucks.

I salved my disappointment with The Departed, and Midnight n the Garden of Good and Evil. I love both those movies, great storylines, Midnight has great backdrops (all those old Southern houses/streets/gardens) and The Departed has Di Caprio (setting aside his age), in the only movie where I have ever even remotely gotten his sex appeal. I loved him in Gangs of New York, and Blood Diamond, but until The Departed I never got the rest of it.

Ho hum, I had best go clean up the driveway before work, someone (have a fair idea who) broke beer bottles all over it.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Great googly moogly! What a day!

Had a run-in with the neighbour. So over it.

And it's bucketing down. I hate wet, windy weather. Real cold - the kind with frost and ice, I can handle.

'scuse me, going for some soup............ where is my chocolate?

And it has arrived! Yes! He loves his mother!!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Oh, and............

.............. the reason the whole Make an Effort thing was waiting til 2010......

There's no bluddy room in this house. We are like sardines. I have nowhere to store my clothes (currently all in a suitcase in the lounge where I sleep). I am constantly in the garden/being thrown up on by a baby/the house is a mess due to crowding, thus my clothes will be wrecked. I am not mentally in a place where I am motivated to try that hard. Yet. Notice, I say yet.

It's been a long, hard road to get to the point where I can even assess the need for a decent 'robe. I am taking baby steps - I bought new earrings, a 'statement' ring, a bracelet, and I am of course, wearing my wedding/engagement bands every day, as well as my necklaces for Mum/Dad and Mum/Pete. And the one my sister gave me.

I have been totally unmotivated. My world was crashing down around me, and I was so busy holding things together, I wasn't worried about my appearance, just surviving. Then I had to give up my cat, and that nearly killed me. Now I am starting to think I need to look a bit (or rather a helluva lot) better. Effort must be made, but before I do it physically, I have to get there mentally. I am working on it.

I still have my bad days, where I want to hide. But I don't. The people who accept me in my Feral Bogan clothes will accept me when I try. And anyone who doesn't understand that clothes do not maketh the person, well, pity them. They are missing out. And no, I am not that conceited. Miss23 dresses in Feral Bogan clothes, but she is a wonderfully sweet, daft, vague, well-spoken young lady, with a huge heart and a gentle nature. And quite a powerful intellect. Judge a book by it's cover, or a person by their attire, at your own peril.

As promised..................

Here is a peek into my 'robe. I have not included the 2 pairs of knee length khaki shorts, half a dozen Bonds singlets, old (and not so old) trackies, hoodies etc. They aren't wardrobe items, they are comfort clothes, and should never be worn further than the corner shop. But they are. I also haven't included a pair of grey pinstripe pants, they are classic style, as are the tweedy brown pair I *hope* to fit into again - they don't photograph well.

The reason I have so little is - well, there's no single reason. After the legal battle from Hell, I tossed ALL the clothes I wore throughout - several pairs of pants and a couple of shirts. I kept the shoes. My weight was waaaaaay up throughout most of the battle, I was depressed, and when I am depressed, I eat and don't exercise. And I refused to buy clothes while I was the size I was, I was desperate to lose weight, but I wasn't motivated. Now I am.

Also, depending on the way things went (for the longest time it wasn't looking good) we may have had to move, and I didn't want to buy clothes here, to cart there, and them maybe not be appropriate.

Please excuse the wrinkles, current living arrangements make ironing an uphill battle.

Shoes=knee high black boots with a 3" heel, Caterpillar casual walkers (khaki) Gold & black strappy slip-ons with a 3" heel, Red and black slingbacks with a 2" heel, Gisele B Ipanema shoes, the ones with the back strap. Layne B sneakers.

The only thing in this whole list that was new when I got it, was the trench - it was a gift. The rest is op shops, family members hand-me-downs, or eBay cheapies. Except the shoes, they are all bought new. I have a thing about shoes.............

Ladies, meet Mr Sling from Deadly Ponies, in all his sexy glory. He comes out in at least 1 amazing colour every collection, as well as a granite/black or brown.

Now, I do love my Rocking Horse bag, I do, but I soooooooo want Mr Sling. Oh, and watch this space for a peek into my (extremely pathetic) wardrobe, minus the gardening clothes, and trackies.

For reference, the Rocking Horses:

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

What are you lot doing to me??

First, those (super stylish) Kiwis got me desperately wanting to find the perfect dress, and something that resembles a sense of style. And now, my lust for the bag to end all bags, A Deadly Ponies sling, has been re-awakened. Noooooooo...................

I fell in love with Mr Sling a couple of years ago, when he was purple suede. Then he was cerise leather. Both times, out of my price range. This time around, he isn't overly bright, unless he is orange, and I am not a fan of orange. That's IT! I am going to save up, and get me a Mr Sling, in whatever bright colour he comes out in next. Unless he decks himself out in acid green, or mustard yellow. Because they won't work with my wardrobe either.

On the hunt..................

.......... for the perfect dress. Black, or charcoal. Kinda fitted, but not showing lumpy bits. Not making me look pregnant or barn like, or like I am 38 going on 60 in the late 1950's. Just above knee-length. Day or evening wearable. Must look good with boots. Will only be worn with boots.

This is the bane of my existence, finding a dress that looks good. I have a long torso, short waist, and am quite broad in the hip and shoulder. Not to mention I was built with plenty of both T&A. And I stand all of about 5'4"...............................

Actually, finding anything that doesn't make me look try-hard feral bogan, 1950's granny, or barn sized is a challenge.............. Add to that the fact that I take offence at paying $200-$300 for an item of clothing, that isn't a complete outfit in itself and we have a big problem. Shirts, pants and skirts should not cost more than boots. Dresses may. Because, well, they are dresses.......

I wasn't planning on clothes shopping when I go away, but now, I think I may have to. The inspiration for this? MissLadyFinger, whose outfit in her blog yesterday had me drooling over her dress - it is gorgeous. It'd never work on me (those lumpy bits I mentioned) but oh! how I want a dress that looks that good on me.

To be fair, MLF does not have to carry this burden alone, I am also being inspired by Andrea, who also posts stunning outfits on her blog, particularly the jacket we are both in love with. And the fact that I made a deal with myself that in 2010, once I got my house/life in order, I was going to make an effort of some sort every day. Even if I still live in trackies, they will be *nice* ones.

Ah, dreams.......................

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Who's bright idea.............

..........was it to get an exercise machine? I mean, seriously! The Mister saw a late night infomercial the other week, woke me up to watch with him, and decided to order the machine in question. It arrived today. At least he might use this one, the home gym was used to store laundry, and the exercise bike became a toy for the kids. But deterioration of health may inspire a bit of effort. He is giving up smoking again, he went 6 months cig-free, got belted over the head, and started again. He is using the tablets to do it - they worked last time, although the first week he was a mess.

I can't vouch for much as yet, butthis machine surely gives a good leg workout, and the cardio part of it's name is true. ZOMFG!! Utterly buggered is me. Probably partly because in the past 2 days I have walked a lot, and moved 2m of mulch. As well as that damn machine. I can feel my legs, my back and my abs............. The Mister feels his legs and back when he is on it (both are munted) but not his abs - not even sure he has abs any more, gut yes, abs, maybe. Me, I have abs of steel, under a reasonable layer of insulation - I know this, because a gym instructor pointed it out. As did the ultrasound guy a few weeks ago.

At present Mr14 is having a go, and telling me how boring it is.

Oh, and the other thing that happened today (today is a good day so far) I got my Special Employees licence, so I can drive the Keno machine, officially. Now I just have to learn all the TOTE rigmarole, and I will be on!!

Apart from that, there's not a lot of excitement happening, f***wit being a f***wit, a bit of refinement of the Sephora wishlist, a touch of eBay dreaming. Oh, and I joined 2 groups on Polyvore.............. And my front garden looks freakin' awesome!!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

*Bawling in frustration*

So, tonight I lost my phone charger. No biggy, you say. Well, in the grand scheme of things, no. But, in my world, where everyone else and their crap comes first - always, it's a huge deal. If their stuff goes AWOL, everyone has to drop everything, and hunt til it's found. Without whining.

To be fair, they did help me look. But they all kept telling me to calm down. I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN!!! I want to yell and scream and rail at the world. I am fed up with coming last in everyone's estimation, including my own. I have no idea how I am going to get through the next 6 months without committing murder........

Anyway, now I have that off my chest - I am going tp put up a picture of my Dad's 'occassion/event' cardigan. He wore it through the '70's, on weekends. The '80's it didn't make an appearance, as he was in a 7 day a week job, except Easter and Christmas. It came out once or twice in the '90's, and not at all in the noughties - we talked about burying him in that, or his maroon suit, but went with his old, comfy work gear, slippers and the ever-present hat.

Anyway, here is the cardi - when I find a picture, I will show you the suit.

Notice the detail............

Do not get me wrong, stylistically challenged or not, I loved my Dad, and I miss him every single day. He played a huge part in making me who I am today, and, while I know that he knew I loved him wth all my heart, I just wish I could have seen him 1 more time, to tell him again. And then, to pour my heart out to him, and hear him tell me what a load of shite it all is, and that I'll get through it. And then sit, sip a cuppa (or a beer) listening to ABC radio, or just the silence, for hours on end.