Saturday, January 16, 2010

Making snap decisions...

I have a tendency to do this - it's a marked trait of my personality, and not always a good one.

I am worse with big decisions - I'll ummmm and ahhhh for a while, then Bang! decision made, action taken, no turning back. But there's always a trigger, even if it seems to be totally irrelevant to others.

Like this week. After Uncle Tom passed, I spent a good 24 hours soul-searching, and then, inside of 48 hours, I had resigned my membership of the forums of which I was an active member, and had started the process of abandoning FaceBook for a while.

My reasons for this were/are many and varied, but the overwhelming one is that I have been using the internet, and especially the forums and FB, to procrastinate and hide. I am at a point on my journey where I need to either take the next step, or remain standing still. And, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I suck at standing still for too long.

So, I walked. I have done this before; it's another not-always-good personality trait - people have been hurt in the past (when I was 17 my dog died, I packed my bags and left home, telling no-one why - only in recent years have I told my mother that was the trigger). It's not something I can help, it's instinctive, I do it, and then, when the dust settles, I go "That could have been done better!"

I did try to do better this time, I let people know I was leaving, and why. I am terribly sad (I cried on the day I deleted), I am already missing my friends, but, I am sure of 1 thing - and that is that I WILL be back.

This is just part of the journey out of the dark - I need to enter the light the same way I left it - alone, with my head held high, and knowing that if it gets too hard, I can turn to my friends for help. They were there for me all through the dark, and they will be waiting for me in the light, and I cannot wait to see them all.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs Rosie. I'll always be here for you xx