Thursday, February 4, 2010

The One Where I Got a Black Eye

Yes, I have a shiner - quite a good one. But it could have been worse, this has been coming for a while.

The whole sorry mess started many, many years ago. The legal bs and associated feelings/issues exacerbated it. And tonight, it finally broke.

The Mister and Mr14 have long had issues - mainly because they have a personality clash. Add in feelings of abandonment and resentment (Mr14) and frustration (The Mister) and you have a volatile mix. Not to mention, in a lot of ways, The Mister has the same level of maturity as Mr14.

I am perpetually in the middle with these 2, either refereeing or translating. My entire life is spent on a knife-edge.

I am hopeful that today's incident will finally put an end to it. I *think* they heard me when, post-shiner, I told them that they needed to sort their shit out, because they are destroying me with the constant tension and aggro. I hope they did. They are at least talking, and have agreed to be more aware of each other's moods, and how 1 may take something the other says as a 'go'. And to spend time working in their relationship, without me in the middle.

My getting hurt was inevitable, really. It was only a matter of time before they were going to try to kill each other, and I would be in the middle. Thankfully, Mr20 was here today, because Mr14 REALLY lost the plot. He wasn't here mentally - he has no recollection of large parts of the afternoon.

This is not a surprise to me - I had the same issue when I was younger, as did my brother P, sudden (as in, fine 1 second, then BAM!), over-reactionary rages, often violent, of which there is no memory. They end just as suddenly as they start, and the trigger is often something tiny, and utterly ridiculous in terms of the damage that ends up being done. My uncle J suffered from them. He and Pop weren't on speaking terms when Pop died, because once, when they had a stoush, Nan got physically hurt. What made it worse for Pop was that the whole sorry mess came from his side of the family. His brother J suffered similarly.

These 'rage blackouts' are a form of autism (or so the doctors told me years ago) and there's not a lot they can do for it. Counselling is suggested, and watch for trigger points. Hah!

So now we wait. And pray. I keep hoping that The Mister will open his goddamn eyes, and see that Mr14 has major issues - and I am forever telling him that - but he never hears me. Maybe now he will. I hope so.


  1. OMG Rosie! I hope you are okay! And that you get those boys sorted out.
    Arnica is really good for bruising, you can get it at the chemist.

  2. Hi babe.

    Yeah, I am ok - my eye is sore, itchy and black. I am so mad at the pair of them.

    How are you? xoxo