........ is an interesting beast. I have held off talking about him for so long because I really haven't known what to say. So let's start with this; I love him.
Now we have that *minor* detail out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty.
My husband is an incredibly difficult man to live with - draining would be the word for it. He doesn't have to do anything, he exhausts me just by breathing. I am not the only one who has noticed this. Put him and Mr14 (who is equally draining, even when he's not being a pain) and it's exhaustion city.
He is stubborn to the point of I want to brain him, at times arrogant, and yet, can be so soft-hearted and supportive he makes me cry.
He is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Others get mainly Dr Jekyll, those who live with him, Mr Hyde. And yet, those moments of Jekyll, save him from many bad things.
He has osteoarthritis in his spine (95% of it is cactus), spondylitis, a hip that makes 1 leg an inch or so shorter than the other, Wolfe-Parkinson White, emphysema, PTSD, depression, and Gulf War Syndrome. I shit you not. But Mr Hyde is by far his biggest problem.
What brings out Mr Hyde is that he can't do anything - a walk to the mailbox is agony. So, he sits here, his body falling apart, and his brain turning in circles over what he can't do. This does NOT help the depression. Or the smoking. Which he should quit for his heart and lungs. Because even though he has twice survived lung cancer, he may not do it again.
It must be incredibly frustrating for him, he used to be super-active, to have nothing to do but sit and stare at 4 walls. His sense of self-worth takes a beating every single day. And then the depression kicks in, which increases the smoking, which aggravates the emphysema, which scares him, which lets Mr Hyde out of his lair.
There are no easy answers to what to do - I have no solutions, neither do the medical fraternity. Drugs are not the answer, if he takes mood-altering drugs, he can't take the pain meds (we both need him to take the pain meds). So we wait, either for me to finish Uni, or the doctors to find an answer. And pray that the band-aids we have stuck over the bullet holes in our marriage last that long. Because until we get out of here, or he gets some quality of life back, this is how it is going to be.