Saturday, September 11, 2010

An addict looking for a vice to happen with

That would be me.  I am not, and have never been, diagnosed as an addict.  Not by a doctor.  But, addicition runs in my family, in a big way.  I cannot think of 1 of my mother's siblings who hasn't battled some form of addiction.  And we won't look too closely at the extended family - might get scary.

But, I am still an addict.  1 of something is never enough.  1 beer? Hell no, drink til I pass out, even when the voice in my head is roaring that I need to stop.  The compulsion to have 'just one more' is too strong.  I have that one, and then another to keep it company.

10 minutes on a poker machine? No way.  I'll be bored for the first 2-3 minutes, and then I'm down the rabbit hole.  I don't even participate in footy tipping, or Melbourne Cup sweeps any more.

No matter what it is, I just cannot stop myself; eating, shopping, alsohol, cambling - once I get the taste, I am lost to the world.  And that frightens me.  So I just don't, even when the craving is nearly killing me.  There are days where I cannot leave the house, because the urge is so strong to go play Keno, and I just cannot.

I have friends who are addicts.  I have close family who are addicts.  I can go with them while they drink/smoke/gamble, and be ok.  For about 10 minutes, then I start to climb the walls.  If they lose everything, the know not to complain to me, because I will not be sympathetic.  You know you have a problem, you know the feeling when it starts to grab at you, and you know the consequences if you give in. So man up, and freaking well don't do it!!

Harsh? Yes.  But that's how it is, out here in the real world..............