Remember that academic overload I told you about ages ago? Well, I think it's trying to kill me.
I knew when I took it on that it would be tough; what I didn't know was that the Internship was going to see me with a monster project. By monster I mean something that on average takes someone who knows what they are doing 3-6 months from Go! to Whoa! - and I got 6 weeks. It's been tough, but it has also been a great learning experience. And I had fun, mostly.
In other news, things have been a bit - interesting. I totally lost the plot the other week, I went on a crying/yelling jag, that saw my son tell me that it was like the lights were on, but no-one was home, there was no getting through to me. I scared him and my husband very badly that day. I didn't scare me, I don't remember it. Although from what they tell me, I would have been scared. Somehow, I am inclined to agree - I have blown a fuse once before - I scared my parents that day - and they didn't scare easy. I felt the switch being thrown (like a circuit breaker in my head being flipped) and then, nothing, until I came back to myself, sitting int he middle of the living room, feeling emotionally and physically drained.
What I do know is that since that day, I have been feeling like I am on a much more even keel - a lot of mental and emotional cobwebs got cleared out. And those who I need support from finally realised that I wasn't exaggerating - I really AM that much of a mess. My psychologist tells me that while the meltdown may have scared the bejabbers out of others, for me it was good, it released a lot of stress.
Not a whole lot happening on the getting out of here front - all the stuff we look at is utterly terrible - I wouldn't put the dog in some of them! What irks me is that I ask if there is anything at all wrong, I list the things that could be wrong, and get told that it's all fine - only to find that people have lied, after a 5 hour drive.
This must sound like a real downer post, but it's actually not - I am finally in a better place - I slipped over the edge of the abyss, and I managed to crawl back out - now I need to start moving towards the light. 1 step at a time..............
3 days ago