Sunday, December 27, 2015

Faerie Tales

Once upon a time, faerie tales (or fairy tales, to use the contemporary spelling), were used to frighten people, especially children, into not doing particular things, or to avoid particular places.  They inspired fear and kept people safe.

We no longer have faerie tales, and if we do, they all have happy endings.  There are no more red shoes that dance forever, no nixies stealing children to live in caves, no trolls dragging innocents under bridges, and the fae, those for whom the tales are named, are gentle, loving sprites.

Personally, I prefer the old tales.  Even as a child, I preferred them, and, while I did tell my children more of the modern version, I made sure they understood that the tales had a darker beginning, and a serious purpose, before the world shrank, and light of modern understanding showed us that monsters don't just lurk in out of the way places.

Even though I know that monsters often wear human faces, I still believe in the faeries from the old tales.  I like to think that some of the strange things we see and hear aren't able to be explained by science and reason, that maybe, just maybe, there IS dark, unknowable magic in the world.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Feelin' Hot Hot Hot!

Sitting here, in a tin can on wheels, it's 34 outside and 32 inside.  And it's not even summer yet!!  Fortunately, we live near a very nice creek, so can go cool off whenever we want. And we have homemade icecream, like this (liquorice & chocolate = chocolate bullet flavour):

In a couple of weeks, I will likely be begging to return to this sweltering climate, we are going home to see our families.  Tasmanian weather is notoriously - interesting.  Snow on Christmas Day is not unusual.........

Other than that I am melting into a puddle, there's not a whole lot happening - we have moved to a more isolated area to save some $$$, planned 3 holidays in the next 6 months (Tassie, Gold Coast - look out Stephy!!, and Melbourne - ditto Boris.)

We will be in Melbourne for the Moomba festival, which will be interesting.  The pictures and reports I have seen of past festivals make it look amazing, but with my tendency to freak in crowds, I am not sure how I will go - my main focus is seeing the parade.  And shopping - I am way overdue.

Oh, hang on.  Our boy bird turned out to be a girl - damn thing laid an egg, and cried over it for a week before we - helped.  I swear, I was losing my mind - a crying lorikeet 24/7.  The egg was unviable, as she has no close contact with other birds, even though she had suitors - they can't mate through the cage.  Here she is 'mothering' her egg.

And now I must away, time for a swim with these two. They love the new location, as they can swim every day; no tides/mucky sand to work around.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Lifestyle Choices

As I sit here, procrastinating, I am contemplating the choices we make about our lifestyles.

Many people say they envy us the ability to go wherever, whenever.  But do they really?  I wonder.

While we have freedom, we don't have security - if our 'house' breaks down on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, we are in deep.  And yet, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  This I know.

A few weeks ago, we were offered a flat, all expenses paid, fully furnished.  Cost to us - nada.  We went and had a look - it was lovely.  And yet, the idea of living in it gave me cold sweats.

Not for me, the Great Australian Dream of home ownership.  I have always thought of owning a house as a more of an albatross than anything else - it ties you down, and stifles you.  My experiences thus far have confirmed this; once you own a house, you are stuck.  You have security, but no freedom.

For myself, I'll take freedom.  I've had security, and it sucks royally.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Bright Points in the Dark

These two make me smile - they also make me want to tear my hair out.  But they are lovable, and affectionate, and have enriched our lives immensely.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

It is what it is..........

I don't have lupus - just arthritis.  However, the Mister's emphysma is more advanced than first thought.  And that's that.  Nothing we can do, except live each day to the fullest.  And living where we do for now, it's kind of easy to manage that..............

Thursday, April 23, 2015

It's been a while...............

I'm still here.  I'm still looking for that darn light, I know it's out there.  I saw it for a while, and then, the tunnel swallowed it again.

In the past 12 months, I have travelled from Tasmania to Queensland, met some wonderful people, and some not-so-wonderful people, seen amazing things, and had some amazing experiences.

Right now, I am sitting in beautiful Tin Can Bay, wondering where the light went.  Things were looking up, I was feeling good, Sheldon (hubby) was feeling good, we were in a beautiful place, with good people.  And then it happened - the other shoe dropped.

I got a diagnosis of lupus.  Manageable. I was devastated intially, but I got over that.  Then Sheldon started having trouble with his breathing; not surprising, he smoked for 35 years, gave up 5 years ago.  Cue several doctor visits, and a final diagnosis of emphysema (COPD).  In the top 2/3 of his lungs.  Feck!  That hit me like a ton of bricks - we have managed to dodge every other bullet the doctors have threatened, but there's no way around this one, it is incurable, and the best we can hope for is that he can be made comfortable for however long he has left.

The GP we have locally was not a lot of help in working out a management plan, so we took ourselves off to Gympie to get sorted.  Lo and behold, having heard Sheldon's medical history, more tests are required, including an ECG.  Something is off there; the left atrium is enlarged (was fine in the CT scan that found the emphysema a whole 2 weeks ago), and there's an issue with his left carotids.  A doppler of the carotids and an angiogram are required.

Did I mention feck?  Because that is just the tip of the iceberg on how I felt after that news.  Perhaps the hardest thing with having to deal with this is that, even though I have wonderful supportive friends, they are all so far away physically, I can't pop around for a cuppa and a good cry.  My husband has been handed a concrete death sentence, and the only person I can talk to is him.  Which, apart from the occasional "I'm having a bad day with this today' or an initial vent, is not an option - he feels guilty, and is also suffering from all the emotions related to 'Hey, you've got something that will kill you, and there's nothing we can do."

First world problem?  Yes.  Selfish? Sure is.  Valid?  Unfortunately, yes.

I hate myself for feeling like I have been let down, and that it's not fair to me.  I know he is hurting, and that he is facing the Reaper.  And that he is feeling angry, guilty and scared.  But I am terrified of what the future will hold for me - we have been together since I was 17 (I'm 45 this year), and while I have spent plenty of that time alone, and a lot of it not knowing whether he would come home or not, there was always hope.  Now that's gone, and I am struggling to cope.

Fortunately, I live in a beautiful part of the world, my husband loves me and understands my fears (even though I haven't told him), I have two dogs and a bird who make me smile, I do have friends who will help me where I need it, so I am better off than a lot of people.  Plus I get to see things like this every day.